Day 16: Can I Make a Confession?

Rooted Final 500 x 500Hey, can I make a quick confession, my friends?

There’s this fear that’s cropped up in my heart in the last few days.

I share my music publicly (albeit totally raw) for what’s really the first time ever, and the response all at once blesses me and frightens me.

I’m so thankful Jesus has touched hearts through my small offering… but what if that’s all I’ve got? What if I run out of new ideas?

What if my internal creative river runs dry?

Those are the questions churning beneath my heart’s surface last night as I make dinner, chat with my family, load the dishwasher, clean up a zillion crumbs.

Before I leave the house to run errands, I dig out my old iPhone and charge it for a few minutes. Then I take it with me in the car, and I spend my drive to Target and Whole Foods listening to old voice notes, still buried in my former phone.

Six, seven, eight months ago, I spent many hours during my kids’ naps (which were longer then) just sitting before the Lord, guitar in hand. I’d strum and play and spontaneously sing my heart to Him.

And sometimes, I’d hit that little record button on my phone while I poured out my heart. So last night while I listened to some of those spontaneous songs, I realized — there is a rich pool of creativity here. Of anointing and ideas for the crafting of new music.

Gosh. Even saying that in this space freaks me out, you guys, because I’m so afraid I won’t be able to continue to write songs now that I’ve “come out” to you here.

BUT.

In one of those spontaneous worship sessions in my old voice notes, I sang for 12 minutes straight around the idea of these internal rivers of creativity and power — rivers of Him on my insides, flowing from me.

The water is alive, I sang, over and over, and daggum it, I believe that, y’all.

I believe that rivers of living water will flow from my inmost being. (John 7:38)

And despite the fear, faith is rising inside me. Faith that my Creator is my ultimate creative Source. That He who’s begun a good work in me will complete it. That as I create unto Him, my art is worship. That it glorifies Him. That it delights His heart.

This morning I wake up and get back into the rhythm of spilling my heart into a notebook at the start of my day. Then, picking up my phone, I open my Bible app, and y’all, You Version’s “verse of the day” today?

It’s John 7:38:

“Whoever believes in me, as scripture has said, rivers of living water will flow from within Him.”

Seriously? Jesus, really!?

Sometimes He speaks and it’s straight up unmistakable. This is one of those times.

“Step out, Dana. Move forward in faith, hand-in-hand with Me. I’m leading. I’m opening and closing doors. I’m trustworthy. I’m your Source. From me and through me and back to me are all things.”

All things.

Including, and especially, these creative rivers.

So. I’m still a little afraid, to be honest. But I’m saying yes to Him. Moving forward in creative partnership with the Ultimate Creator.

Gulp. Here we go.

________

This is Day 16 of a 31-day series. You can find the rest of the series here.

Also, if you’d like to follow along so you don’t miss any of my 31 Days posts, I invite you to subscribe to receive each post in your inbox.

This entry was posted in 31 Days 2014, Creativity, Learning Authenticity, misc. walking with Jesus, Music, Uncategorized, Writing. Bookmark the permalink.

6 Responses to Day 16: Can I Make a Confession?

  1. Anita Ojeda says:

    I’ve never noticed that verse before–thank you for pointing it out! And if God is calling you, remember that he is the spring and source for the living water :). You can do ALL things!
    Anita Ojeda recently posted…TroubledMy Profile

  2. ~Karrilee~ says:

    I love you and all your brave honesty, my friend! I have no doubt that He will continue to pour into and out of you as you worship!
    ~Karrilee~ recently posted…DAY SIXTEEN – Some “Easier Ways” – Part 1My Profile

  3. Oh I know this anxiety. It’s easy to be like Peter walking on the waves toward Jesus. We step out of that boat with our eyes on the One who loves us. And then we get distracted by the gasps from the disciples in the boat and the crash of the waves. That anxiety creeps in for me in that moment, that “what if I can’t do this again”. It’s not about the waves or the awe of the others walking with you – it’s about your eyes and your heart following exactly after where YOU are being led dear one. And that never runs dry.
    Dry Bones Dance recently posted…Leaning into My In-BetweensMy Profile

  4. Pingback: Day 17: In Which I’m Requesting Your Prayers | Dana L. Butler

  5. Amy says:

    Greate post! I really enjoy reading it! Keep going with the good work! And thx for stoppinh by on my blog! You’r such a sweety.
    Amy recently posted…Day 17- Home-made hot chocolatMy Profile

  6. Amen, sister! It is from and through him, so it cannot run dry. And if it does, it’s still for his good purposes — to bring his glory. I think every person who nurtures their creative spirit can relate to this…especially when we’ve felt buoyed by the encouragement of others. “Impostor!” the enemy snarls. But nope, he’s a total liar. You aren’t! You are touched and held, empowered and filled by the God who is the giver of every good thing. I adore you, sister, and am for you and Jesus in you.
    Ashley Larkin recently posted…To Live Like A Child Plus A Giveaway of “Playdates with God” by Laura BoggessMy Profile

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