I don’t have a lot of time tonight (I’m writing on Monday evening) but I so want to let you all in on what’s happening. For those who don’t know yet, our birth mom “Amber” had an appointment with her doctor this morning. This is the same doc who said she wasn’t ready last week to be induced.
Not so this week!
The plan is to induce her early Wednesday morning – doc feels confident that her body is ready this time. And, of course, that baby girl is ready. Amber is excited and relieved, and we are – – Oh my goodness, what ARE we!?
Overwhelmed, in every way imaginable. By God’s goodness, by excitement, by anticipation, by the vast number of details that can’t be forgotten or missed and the million things I need to get done between now and 3 pm tomorrow when Stan and I will get into our car and take off for small-town KS.
I told my mom tonight that sometimes I get so caught up in figuring out all of the THOUSANDS of details involved in making this adoption happen, that I lose sight (for a bit) of the fact that my daughter is on the other end of this. The fact that our family is about to change forever.
Woah. Breathe, Dana. Deeeeeeeep breaths.
To try to give you a little more of a glimpse into what I/we are thinking and feeling right now:
- Joy and excitement top the list, for sure. Emotions that will only increase the closer we get to the moment we hold our daughter for the first time.
- This unidentifiable emotion that isn’t exactly stress, but is similar to it. Just SO many details. So many things we canNOT forget. So many unknowns. So many things that could possibly go wrong (though we don’t think they will). I told my mom tonight – anyone that’s ever said adopting is easier than being pregnant and having a baby biologically? Um, wrong. Speaking as someone who’s done both? Adoption is definitely harder in many, many ways. For me, anyway. And I think for a lot of people.
- Gratitude and relief that our sweet boy (Isaac, who’ll be 3 in September) will be well taken care of by his “Gigi” (my mom) and our housemate Jerusha – mixed with a little anxiety over leaving him.
- And even a little bit of grief. Stan and I were talking this evening and realized we both are experiencing some sadness over Isaac losing his place as our only child. He’ll always be our oldest, but he’ll have to share us now. Which, admittedly, will be SO, SO good for him. Even still, there’s a little sadness.
- Just have to list JOY again, because it really does envelop all of these other emotions. And PEACE. We have this deep, deep peace that the hands of Jesus are tenderly holding and attending to this entire journey, and every heart involved. Our birth mom’s heart, her son’s heart, our birth dad’s heart, our baby girl’s heart… Stan’s and my hearts, Isaac’s heart… all of us. His heart and His attentiveness are enough for us all. And y’all, has He ever been FAITHFUL. Provided for every. single. step. of this journey. I am undone as I look back and see His leadership and His perfect wisdom woven throughout our process over the last year and a half.
He’s just so good.
If you pray for us, we’d love your prayers over the following:
- Peace, safety, and FUN for my mom and Isaac (and Jerusha when she’s not working) as they spend time together while we’re gone. That Isaac’s heart will be secure, peaceful, and that he’ll be obedient and honoring to “Gigi” in our absence.
- For safety as Stan and I travel, and that our conversations and moments together will be sweet.
- For peace for birth mom as she prepares for labor. That she’ll continue to feel peaceful about her decision to make an adoption plan for her baby girl. That Jesus will make Himself tangibly real to her in this time. That He’ll comfort her heart.
- For our birth mom’s son “Luke,” that the Holy Spirit will comfort his little heart too as he tries to process what’s happening and why his little sister won’t be living with he and his mom. Pray that we will have opportunities to interact with him and love on him – to reassure him that he will be a valuable part of his sister’s life, even long-distance. (For anyone who’s new-ish around here, this will be an open adoption. See this post for more info.)
- Pray for all of our interaction with “Amber,” her mom, her son, any of her friends who might come to the hospital. Pray we’ll emit the love of Jesus to them all. Pray for wisdom to know when to speak, when to be quiet, how to love well.
- Pray for protection for “Amber” and Maia during labor. Pray for a smooth delivery, for no medical problems, no C-sections… etc.
- I have been fighting a cold (and winning!) these last few days. Prayers for protection for my health (and Stan’s, Isaac’s, and my mom’s) are GREATLY appreciated.
- It’s possible that we’ll have an opportunity to meet Maia’s birth father while we’re out there. Please pray that if it’s what God wants, He’ll make a way for that to happen. Pray for grace and peace over all our interactions with him.
Okay, I think that about sums it up! My friends, thank you so, so much for walking beside us here. You are each such a precious part of this journey. Your prayers, your hearts, your love, your being excited with us. All of it is invaluable to us. Thank you.
OH! One last thing: I will be posting updates and pictures – as many as possible – on my Facebook page. “Like” my page if you’d like to stay up-to-date on what’s going on!
Oh my goodness – THIS IS REALLY HAPPENING!!!
PS. Pardon me while I hit “publish” without fully proofreading this post. Forgive my typos. I’ve gotta go to SLEEP!