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Reading this “Birth Parent Situation Form” from our adoption agency for the 6th time won’t make this birth mom choose our family.
I sigh. Make myself tear my eyes away from the computer screen.
It seems to be the perfect situation for us. PERFECT. Semi-open adoption. African American baby. Birth father is on board and willing to relinquish rights. Baby due in January.
JANUARY. As in, a month and a half from today.
Tomorrow evening, this precious birth mom will, if all goes as planned on her end, be handed a stack of profile books by the birth parent advocate at our agency.
Our profile will be in that stack.
Our agency representative says that our family’s profile has consistently been in birth parents’ top 3 choices. We just haven’t been number one yet. But we WILL be picked, she says. She’s confident about it. Probably soon.
And even now, I want to click over to that email and read the Birth Parent Situation Form yet again. For probably the 7th time. Grasping for some form of control, or at least to be able to guess what will happen.
And, once again, I have to surrender to the truth that I can’t make this happen. NOTHING I can do, in addition to what we’ve already done, can make this birth mom choose our family. Nothing I can do will bring our baby into our family any sooner.
And there’s no way to know right now whether this precious baby will be ours… or not.
It’s a helpless feeling. I am SO aching for our baby to come SOON. Every time our profile is shown and not chosen, the ache is a little harder to bear.
Time is ticking.
And God knows.
Even now, in this very moment, this scripture, this sacred place of profound encounter and peace whispered to my heart, it comes cascading anew down from Heaven and crashes over my heart:
My times are in Your hands. (Psalm 31:15)
And they are. Every season of my life, every desire of my heart… all of it – the aching, the waiting, the longing, the wondering… it’s all in His hands. THIS season. THIS ache. THIS longing.
And the invitation is to trust, to rest, to abide.
I’d be lying if I said this is easy. But His grace is there… and it’s always enough. ALL-sufficient. For this moment, this circumstance.
Father, You are worthy of my trust. Your plans for my life and my family are good, and You are worthy of my trust.
So I trust You. Now. In this season, with this ache, this longing that I believe has been divinely placed in our hearts. Hold us now, even as we wait. Draw us into the embrace of the Prince of Peace.
Friends, could I ask you to pray with us over the next 24 hours? By the time many of you read this, it will be Tuesday morning and it’s Tuesday late afternoon/evening that this birth mom plans to view profiles. If all goes as planned, we should know something one way or the other that evening, or by Wednesday morning at the latest. Please pray….
- For wisdom and the leadership of the Holy Spirit for this mama as she makes her decision. Pray for His comfort over her heart as well. I can only imagine the agony of her decision. Oh Father, hold her heart…
- For our hearts as we wait, that we’ll rest and trust and abide in Jesus.
- For us if we are not chosen, that God will hold and sustain and bring peace to our hearts. That we’ll be confident in Him and His heart and His plan for our family.
- For this precious baby, that the Spirit of God will be tangibly present with him/her, even in the womb. That he/she will supernaturally know his/her Father’s nearness and love even now. That God will protect this baby and set him/her in the family that He has already chosen.